The 7 day theory...

Finally

its a thursday nite, a week has passed by since after my birthday jam......whoaaaa...what a birthday. It was the best birthday i had in years. Not that the past few years were fun but c'mon guys...youre all bad with surprise parties, that to year after year...I kinda figured out the system ;-). So basically this time i took the authority and responsibility to make sure everyone has a great time..so this was it:

7 : gates open
7:30: begins the jam
8: jam ends
8:15: food is served
9: people with prior commitments leave and the rest stay for chilin...BUT!

knowing how my crazy freinds are, not to mention the famous "pakistani standard time" dialogue in dubai..people started showing up at 8:15...so thats when everythin was on a delay..:-)
still happy though, everyone showed up and we (myself and randy) started the birthday jam that i had promised to all guests...i can never forget the night, i re decorated my hall with lights and backdrops to give guests the perfect chill zone feel not to mention the 'unplugged' ambiance. people were piled up on the sofas, chairs, tables even the floor (thank god i put mattresses there) we sang away to glory, we covered U2,goo goo dolls, Mr.Big, def leppard and even played some originals which were popular amongst close freinds. they all loved it, i remember my freinds sayin its one of the best birthdays theyve been to simply cuz of the music and the setup and the finger food. Do i have snaps you ask? you'd love to see em? facebook them baby ;-). Some of my musician freinds who attended also came up and performed, kinda like an open mic night....in my house!! WOW, i always wanted to have a gig here and here it was, right beyond my very eyes. Some of the guests who i expected to leave cuz of their partying lifestyle stayed back till almost 4AM!!! it meant alot everyone...it did indeed. I missed my karachi freinds, wish they were here to share the joy n celebrate. but theres always another occasion :-).

so why the 7 day theory, cuz its been a week since the party and i'm still feeling like heaven :-)

Thank you for everythin, for life, for family, for freinds and for the little moments of happiness that last forever.

Peace.

today is my birthday

18th april...born in the month of fools...:-)

So it starts with the typical twelve o clock calls, but it was somethin about the callers this year..some of them were actually unexpected, people who i knew would wish me but didnt think they'd be on the dot about it, they made me happy, so thanx rida and fareeha. But the one that melted my heart was a call from my beloved mother, I love you so much ma. And i missed you with all my heart on this birthday, I had sis and some close freinds present at the time the clock struck midnight, but ma, you sang the whole birthday song for me all the way from that apartment in karachi...I loved it and I love you. If it wasnt for my strong will, i wouldve definatly weeped a bit.
Riz,Ali,Randy and my sis were there at home at 12, somehow it seemed they werent there, it seemed i was just going through a premonition of something that was happening as it did. Thats when it started...the feeling started to fade and then disappear, then appear again, then vanish once again without a warning. Dont know what it was, but i wasnt feeling too keen about it. I thought mabye if i sleep i'll feel better in the morning. so morning came, got up, got dressed and head off to work............yeh, it took a while there but finally somethin once again lifted my spirit, a laptop...a company laptop given to me to work on till i'm employed there...my own laptop. It felt good. Like a little boy un-wrapping a candy bar, i quickly initiated the new machine and got to spread my fingers across the board like i was about to play a grand piano.
On driving my was back home from work, I started thinking to myself. I hate to think at times..even if i dont want to i come across a bad surpressed memory which kinda rips me inside, or was the memory an excuse for the lonely drive back home. Again, i tried to sleep it off once i got home but a good friend (riz) called and said hey bro...Im really really busy runnin around like nuts so i'll take you out for an early dinner. I couldve thought that by him treating me so early for dinner is like "getting it over and done with"....but no...i didnt wanna think that, it was just that riz really was busy and he was trying to make time for his freind..Thank you bro...it meant alot. Sis came for dinner too....kinda became a naggy lil girl at the restaurant but hey, thats what sisters are there for so its all good, she did spoil me by giving me chocolates (big hug for ya). Ali didnt show up, that was going to make me feel bad knowing that we both consider oursleves really close..mabye its just a perception now, mabye were just being close freinds to maintain the respect. whatever it was, somewhere deep down i expected him to show up, likewise the better half of my instincts took over and i had a ball of a time with riz and sis.
it was almost 10pm, Randy, my guitarist called saying he's below the house, my house...said he wanted to jam before the birthday jam tommorow...(shit)...forgot to mention that i decided to throw somewhat of a party for some freinds at my place tommorow..(this is why i hate to think at times, confuses my thought with my instincts), anyhow, Me and Randy got together and jammed a good 1/2 hour set and called it a nite by heading down to the shisha joint....thats where ali showed up, i put my judgements behind me and had a decent session at the cafe. Finally....reached home after just another day...another birthday...mine. Me and ali got talkin and the guy decided to pour out his work issues and some personal stuff....i listened and consoled him. why, cuz i felt thats what a freind should do...no, i'd be lying if i say thats the truth, but thats another story. Overall, the day has ended..ive been wished by freinds on orkut and facebook and non-stop msgs on my cell and even a few international calls...wow..I smile as i write this that i guess i did make some pretty good freinds.
I guess my lesson on this birthday was that no matter who is close and who is far, who is good and who is bad...freinds come in all forms and shapes..we just need to know and diffrentiate one from the other...try not to hate them, hate is like a curved knife as i read in a book, it'll only come back and cut you too.
To my freinds, Ive been a complete asshole at times, specially over the past few months. Im sorry for that. mabye some of you know my reasons and mabye some dont...for those who dont im sorry, sorry for not giving you the benefit of knowing who faraz khan really is and what he does for a living.

Till my next birthday...peace
(ps. Mom, I miss you so much. I hope youre happy where you are and I hope we're together soon.Love.)

Its amazing

Its amazing how people think they know you, specially when 'people' consist of family. What I do, what I should do and what they want me to do sure has a thin line goin between it all. How can a family come up with a decision or conclusion without considering what each member has to think or say. How? I mean it puts me in a inner rage to know that something is being cooked up without my knowledge specially when the 'plan' consists me playin a major part. I mean, its not like i dont wanna help, but Ive got my own demons to defeat.
I feel pretty fucked up when I face them sayin that dont expect anythin cuz the truth is that Im phisically and mentally there only if Im given a chance to think aloud. But when things just come to me and I feel that with my thoughts and ideas it couldve been better, its sad to know I was cut out of the mere thought. sucks.
I want a good lifestyle too, but sometimes you gotta be smart than just havin a big house and a fast car to live with. You can do much better if you just think a bit more wisely. But no, thats not whats happenin is it. Its my birthday next week and Im feeling like this...man it sure sux. Anyway, not gonna let this get in my way...Im gonna do what I do best and do it even better and leave the rest to some luck too.

Hoping for the best to happen, expecting the worst.

Peace.